


The Balance in Our Galaxies

by DarthReyder



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25338430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarthReyder/pseuds/DarthReyder
Summary: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... there existed a powerful force made up of powerful light and powerful darkness. Together they brought a balance to the galaxy that no one had ever achieved before, nor has anyone ever achieved since. Like an ever changing galaxy, the two forces had to maintain balance to each other. This is their story. The legendary dyad in the force. Rey and Ben Solo.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, rey ben
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	The Balance in Our Galaxies

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this turned into way more than I thought it would, but I’m glad it did! This is what happens when you watch nothing but Pride & Prejudice and the Sequel Trilogy for a month straight. I thought it would be interesting to explore the trauma that both Rey and Ben have went through and show how they deal with it. I like how they can balance each other out even if they’re not perfect at it. Anyway, this was a joy (and also painful) to write, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Side note: I totally picture Luke Skywalker reading the summary for whatever reason, I don’t know why I thought that was important to let you know but there you go.

For every person there is a story, one that shapes who they are or who they choose to be. One may live a life that is joyous and carefree, while the other faces misfortune. With the good and the bad there’s balance, this balance allows for even the darkest of times to be rectified by the light. 

A terrible childhood and a life filled with countless hardships is what one such girl has gone through, a life many would view as miserable. But this was not how Rey viewed her life. Why? Because this life somehow led her to her now husband, Ben Solo. She wouldn’t trade the life she has now for anything, a life that wouldn’t otherwise be possible had it not been for the bad that took place beforehand.

However, one is never truly free of the pain left by a scarring past. For Rey, this pain would come out of nowhere. She could be having a great day and then suddenly be reminded of such scars, leaving her in anguish. Today was one of those days.

Ben was sensitive to it. He wanted done to her what was not done for him in his most vulnerable of times. He doesn’t inquire unnecessarily, even though there is no need to inquire at all; he knows exactly what bothers her thanks to the force-bond they share. But to Ben and to Rey, communication is still just as important to them as it should be to any other couple. The bond allows for a deeper level of respect by knowing when the other is ready to open up about such sensitive subjects. So Ben chooses to wait patiently for her. He instead lets her know through his actions that he’s there for her in every possible way. Ben makes such attempts on a day like today.

  
_______________________

It was at the very start of the day when Ben noticed. He threw on a jacket from the coat hanger in their room, like he does every morning, when he turned around to see Rey making the bed with an unfocused stare. He watched her carefully without her knowing, observing her every move. The bed was already neatly made, yet she kept going around to each corner straightening out the covers, as if she was in a trance. He adjusted the collar of his jacket and walked over to her.

“Rey.”

She didn’t hear him. Her mind was buried deep within the thoughts she was having. He knew she would make another round about the bed so he stood in her pathway where she soon bumped into him.

“Oh!” she jolted, “Ben, I am so sorry I-” he hushed his frazzled wife by placing two fingers over her lips, his fingers trailing away once his lips made their way down to hers. He broke the kiss and placed both hands around her shoulders, his thumbs stroking up and down.

“Come on,” he gestured a nod toward the door, “I’m making you breakfast today.”

Ben sat her down in the kitchen while he went around gathering what he needed. He loved to cook so this was no inconvenience to him.

Rey watched as he opened a few cabinets, she knew based on what he had out on the counter what spice he was looking for but enjoyed watching him search.

“Darling, where’s the-”

“Behind you.” 

He turned around to see the spice on the table where Rey was sitting.

“What’s it doing there?” He said with a smile.

“Um, I _might_ have forgotten to put it away when I got a snack yesterday?” she bowed her head, shrugging her shoulders.

He gave her a single shake of the head, his face bearing a grin. He made his way over to her when she used the force to get the spice into his hands sooner.

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” she asked.

“Yep. You stay right there.” He made his way back to his station when he turned around taking a couple steps backward, “Thank you.” he said, shaking the spice bottle before turning back around.

Rey smiled faintly. She could assume why he was doing this. He must’ve noticed. She felt bad that he was going out of his way just for her. What an inconvenience.

The feeling behind those thoughts was sensed by Ben. He looked over his shoulder briefly as he poured oil into the pan, turning up the heat. 

“I like cooking.” he said, not really knowing what else to say, “It’s pleasant, refined, and gratifying and I get to do it for you.”

Rey lifted from her slump while Ben turned his head, giving her a loving smile.

_______________________

It was now noon, Rey was out front working on her broken down speeder while Ben was inside making lunch. He watched her through the kitchen window. She was bent down to the speeder’s level, her hair in messy buns, sweat trickling down her forehead; She wasn’t working on anything—just staring at the insides with her brows drawn together—her chin held in her palm as she racked her brain over the parts.

Ben was anxious to finish lunch so he could help the poor thing. She clearly had other things on her mind causing her lack of focus. 

He stepped outside with a tray of sandwiches and cold drinks. He hoped she had heard him approaching.

“Is my handywoman hungry?” he said, setting the tray down on a tree stump.

Rey startled out of her daze with a slight jump on hearing Ben’s voice, “Ben!” She turned around to face him as he kneeled down to her.

“Sorry,” he said, resting his hand on her shoulder, “I thought you heard me coming.”

“No no, I-” her hand covered over her eyes briefly, “I guess I’m just a little out of it today.”

“That’s alright. I made us some lunch, why don’t you take a break.”

“Ben, you know I would’ve gotten to that! If you were hungry you should’ve just come out and-”

His hands came up signaling that it was okay. “Hey, I didn’t do it because of impatient hunger, I did it so you wouldn’t have to worry about it.”

She stared at him before glancing downward—she felt guilty for allowing her thoughts to distract her from her daily routine, but she was thankful for Ben’s attentiveness and kindness.

She glanced back up at him with a smile, “Thank you.” she said.

_______________________  
  


After lunch, Rey went right back to peering into the innards of the speeder. Ben hadn’t finished his lunch yet so he set it aside to help her.

“Let me take a look.” He looked it over, quickly finding out what was wrong, “Here’s the problem, love.” he said, pointing it out, “For some reason the heat radiator isn’t working properly; it’s not expelling the heat like it should, causing it to overheat. You can even see it’s damaged some of the smaller components around it.”

Rey's brows drew together, her eyes squinting at the now obvious problem. “Huh. How did I not see that?” she backed up, looking off to the side, “How did I not see that.” she repeated, sounding disappointed in herself.

Ben sensed it but tried to act casual about it, “It’s an easy miss, it’s okay. It shouldn’t take me too long to fix either.” he said as he started tinkering away.

“Wait, Ben, I know what to do now, I can take it from here!”

“No, it’s okay. Like I said, it shouldn’t take me long.”

“Really, I can handle this myself.”

“I know, and so can I. Allow me, please?”

Rey groaned, throwing her head back as she plopped herself to the ground with her arms crossed.

Ben chuckled.

Her eyes narrowed, “You enjoy torturing me, don’t you?”

“No, I don’t. I enjoy seeing you pout though.”

She glared at him.

“Really, love, it’s quite the opposite. You must enjoy torturing me because all I want to do right now is kiss you,” his hand gestured to the speeder, “and that’s a problem because I really should be working on this and you’re distracting me.”

A small chuckle escaped her before she could suppress it. She turned to hide the wide smile that was growing across her face.

“What’s this, a laugh?” he bent down to her level, his hand turning her head to face him, “Yeah, I must have _really_ upset you to make you smile like that.” he said with a roguish smile.

“I honestly can’t stand you right now...” she said, not hiding her amusement very well.

“I know, that’s why you can’t get enough of me.” he said while attempting to kiss her.

She growled pushing him away, another laugh escaping her, “Leave me alone!”

“Don’t torture yourself, sweetheart, it isn’t worth it.”

She gave him a sarcastic smile, “You know what? I am going to give you five seconds to leave before you drive me absolutely crazy.”

“Why should I leave? I already know you’re crazy about me.”

“That's it!” she pinned him to the ground making Ben laugh, “I am going to kill you!” she laughed, no longer trying to hide it.

“Before you do, can I get a kiss?”

She rolled her eyes, leaning down to give him a quick kiss. “There. Satisfied?”

“Nope, I want more.”

“Fine.” she brushed her nose against his, “Why don’t you kiss me until you’re satisfied then.” she smiled, their lips almost meeting.

“If that’s the case, then I’m afraid I can’t work on your speeder today, Mrs. Solo.”  
  


_______________________

It was now late in the afternoon, Rey was feeling better so she decided to do laundry. Ben allowed her since her mood had improved. She was doing well and was proud of herself for being in control of her thoughts.

She began to hang the clothes on the line when suddenly the thoughts came back. She tried pushing them away but they persisted, causing her to take a moment.

Ben had just finished bathing when he sensed her mind in conflict again. He threw his clothes on faster than he thought he could and went outside.

He then found her leaning against the wall of the house with a glazed far off look.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

She turned around hearing his gentle voice, “Hey.” she replied with hardly any smile.

He took a few steps closer, “You’re hanging laundry?” he gestured a nod to the clothes lines.

“Yes, I um… I just needed a break.”

“Okay,” he said while nodding. “Can I finish up for you?”

“No. No, I’ve got it.”

Ben stepped closer in front of her laying a hand to her face, “Let me do it. Please.” Love was clearly heard in his voice. His eyes let her know that he sensed her distress and that he wanted to take it away, even through such a simple task as this.

She was reluctant but willing to accept his offer, “Okay.” she said, feeling bad that he was about to do something else for her. 

Ben felt it and wanted that feeling to go away. Earlier while contemplating ways in which he could make her feel better, he thought of telling her a happy memory from his childhood, one he’s never told her about before. He always feared he would get emotional while telling it, that’s why he never did. But his desire to help Rey gave him further motivation to stay strong, even if it brought just one smile to her face it would be worth the effort.

“There is _one_ thing you could do for me actually.”

“Yes?”

“Be the audience for the story I’m about to tell you.” he ended with a smile.

“A story,” his smile was infectious, making her smile, “what kind?”

Already worth it. 

“It’s based on a true story about a young boy. He single handedly freed thousands of butterflies from their cages while also saving his father and best friend from bug hunters. His name was Ben Solo.” 

“Oh my goodness!” she sounded like an excited little girl. She quickly went and sat by a nearby rock as he started pinning the clothes to the line. “I must hear this story.”

He grinned seeing her brighten up, “Okay, well, step back in time to when I was about four or five, I can’t remember my exact age but I do remember this exact moment because it’s one of the few memories from my childhood that I cherish. I remember it well.”

Rey rested her chin in her palms as she listened with eager interest.

Ben cleared his throat, already feeling some emotion, “So, uh, my dad and Chewie planned on making a trip to this planet where you can find crystal butterflies and-“

“Crystal butterflies? They exist?” Rey questioned with enthusiastic surprise.

“I could make you wait to find out the answer, but because I love you I can confirm that, yes, they do exist.”

“This is amazing!”

“They’re beautiful too. I can take you there one day and show them to you if you’d like.”

Rey lit up. “I would love that.”

Ben smiled, “Anyway, he wanted to go to this planet for its crystals. It’s said that if you find crystal butterflies you’ll find rare crystals nearby. So, while mom was sleeping, he snuck out to go on his “mission” and I followed him on board the Falcon.”

“Did he know?”

“Not at first, he found out once I took control of the cockpit, taking the ship for a little joyride. It was my fine piloting skills that woke my father from his nap.” Ben laughed and so did Rey.

“What was his reaction on finding you?”

“He tied me up.”

Rey burst out laughing. ”You’re joking!”

“Nope. But I managed to escape of course.”

“Naturally.”

Ben chuckled, “This is a long story, and you might not believe the rest, are you sure you want to hear it?”

Rey brought her knees up, wrapping her arms around her legs. “I like long stories.”

Ben smiled and continued.

_______________________

  
  


It was now late in the evening, Rey was doing better again thanks to Ben but he still didn’t want her worrying about too much, so he helped her make dinner, speeding up the process.

After dinner, Ben washed the dishes while Rey dried them. Everything seemed fine until the disturbing thoughts started to haunt Rey again. That glazed unfocused stare returned to her face and Ben sensed the resistance to the thoughts. He was just about to tell her to sit down when a loud shattering noise was heard. She dropped the plate she was drying, startling the both of them. As suddenly as the plate shattered is how suddenly her emotions showed—she started crying.

“Hey,” Ben lowered himself so he was eye to eye with her, “it’s okay, it’s just a plate!” he wiped the tears making their way down her cheeks, “It’s just a plate...”

She lowered her head, “I’m sorry... I’m sorry I’m like this today!” she cried out.

He lifted her chin to make eye contact again, “No! Don’t be sorry. These things happen. It’s nothing!” he pressed his lips to her forehead, lingering a bit. “Sit in the living room, I’ll take care of this.”

“Oh no, please Ben, this was my fault I should take care of it!”

“Please let me. I don’t mind.”

“No Ben, you’ve already done so much for me today, I can do it!”

“Rey.” his hand turned her head to face him again, “If you feel I'm not telling the truth then I beg you to search through me and prove otherwise. I meant it when I said I don’t mind.” There was no frustration behind his words, only firm love.

She knew he meant it, she just had a hard time accepting his generosity. After all, she’s felt like nothing her entire life, so when Ben treated her like something it was almost foreign to her. Despite what she knew to be true she still felt like an inconvenience.

Rey nodded in response for fear she might cry again on speaking. She wrapped her arms around him in a warm embrace; Ben reciprocated, kissing the top of her head and petting her hair for a while.

“Will you go wait for me in the living room?”

She nodded against his chest. 

“Okay.” he broke the hug and gave her a sweet kiss on the lips, “I won’t be long.”

Rey gave a half-hearted smile before turning and heading toward the living room. 

Just then, Ben picked up on a disturbing feeling Rey was having about herself, one he unfortunately knew well. It was that feeling his parents used to have about him many times as a boy—that he was a burden. 

“Rey.”

She turned back around. 

“You are not a burden.” he said in a powerful yet gentle manner. His eyes, appearing to be one blink away from crying, stayed intent on hers until he turned back around.

Rey was shocked that he knew. That he knew exactly how she felt. She could sense the heartbreak in him on multiple levels. She turned around slowly trying to process the deep emotion in what he said and felt. Once she made it to the living room and sat down on the couch, she hesitantly allowed herself to accept it. As she did, a shaky hand came up, followed by more tears.

_______________________

  
  


As Ben finished cleaning up, he decided to make Rey her favorite tea. This tea would normally make her sleepy. He used the time alone to compose himself before heading back to her.

Rey was curled up on the couch, she also took the time alone to compose herself before Ben got back. Her downcast eyes glanced upward at hearing his footsteps. He stood in front of her and gave her a small smile.

“I uh, I made you some tea.” He raised the cup in his hand, “Your favorite.”

Rey smiled despondently, “Thank you, sweetheart.” she said with a full heart but a sad spirit.

Ben set the cup down on the table and sat down beside her. Before he knew it, she was on his lap, laying her head on his chest. 

He would still get surprised at her affection for him, being that he got so little of any all his life. He thoroughly enjoyed it though, wrapping his arms around her.

“Are you comfortable?” he said, “I could put more wood in the fireplace if you’re cold.”

“No, I’m good.”

Silence was imminent, and Ben started playing with her hair, combing his fingers through it. 

“Your hair is soft.”

“That’s what happens when you wash it.”

“But your hair is always soft, even on days you don’t wash it.”

Rey gave a pat to his chest, smiling at his remark. He chuckled.

“You want some tea?” he asked.

She nodded against his chest.

He bent over, holding her body to his as he grabbed the tea. He leaned back into the couch offering it to her.

“Here,” he said as he brought the cup up near her lips, hoping she would accept the small gesture of him holding it for her. Having just accepted his deep feelings, she allowed herself to accept this too; she enjoyed being spoiled by him. Her hand only brushed against his to guide the cup. After a few sips she gently signaled that she was done and he pulled it away.

“Mmm.” she hummed in delight.

“Good?” Ben smiled.

“Mm-hm…” she settled back down to his chest, feeling relaxed, which was part of Ben’s plan all along.

She felt the vibrations in his chest as he chuckled lightly—that alone soothed her.

A few minutes went by when Rey grabbed at Ben’s shirt, releasing hold of it once she spoke. 

“Ben?” 

“Hm?”

“I want to thank you for all your help today. I hope you can understand why it’s hard for me to let you sometimes, but I really do appreciate it...very much.”

It warmed Ben’s heart to hear it, “I know you do, and you know I would do it all over again.”

She smiled, “I know you would.”

_______________________

Rey continued sipping on her tea while Ben continued playing with her hair. It relaxed her a great deal—so much so that she started falling asleep. He let her too. Knowing Rey, she probably wouldn’t want to sleep after a day like today, so he very slowly adjusted his hold on her so he could carry her to their room. Once he got a good grip he did just so.

He slid her into her side of the bed, hoping she wouldn’t wake up. 

She did. 

Her sleepy eyes opened, squinting at his.

“Ben?” 

He bent down and gave her a kiss on the forehead, “ _Shhh..._ go back to sleep. I’m just going to put out the fire and then I’ll be back, okay?”

She nodded with a smile. Once he left the room, she found herself alone to her thoughts again. Each horrible thought that entered took away that relaxed feeling she was enjoying—that peaceful rest she was just in. Gone.

Ben of course felt it. He wished he would’ve never moved her from the couch disturbing her awake. After he finished putting the fire out, he came back to her in the same position. Usually when he gets into bed she turns to face him—she didn’t this time. She was fighting hard to ward off the thoughts and the tears. It was all too heavy for her, the crushing weight of those she’s lost and almost lost.

Ben started rubbing her back in a circular motion, planting a kiss in-between her neck and shoulder occasionally, letting her know it was okay and that he was there for her. Though this was helping, Rey became frustrated at herself for being unable to quiet her thoughts, causing her to turn over with a huff, lying on her back. 

She still hadn’t spoken about the source that was so debilitating to her, but he knew now was the right time to talk about it. He sensed she would be open to it at least.

“What’s been troubling you, sweetheart?” he said in a loving tone, rubbing her arm.

Rey turned to look at him, her eyes filled to the brim with tears, “Everything.” she took an audibly sharp inhale as suppressed emotions started to come out. She looked up at the ceiling, shaking her head, “Oh Ben, it’s everything all at once.” her hand covered over her mouth as she began to cry suddenly. Ben immediately reached over to embrace her and she instinctively turned into him, nuzzling her head into his shoulder. 

Ben’s heart ached for her. He knew that feeling of “everything” and how it decides to pierce at your very soul at any given moment. He knew it was hard, he knew it was difficult to talk about such things, that’s why he waited so long. That’s why he chose his words wisely to encourage the best possible result.

“If you want to,” he said carefully, “define what everything is to you at this moment.”

Rey curled into him even more, which was to Ben’s surprise. He didn’t think she could cling to him more than she already had, but she somehow managed it. She wanted to get away from these haunting thoughts, not talk about them; but she knew it was the right thing to do, so she loosened herself from his hold just enough to make eye contact.

“It’s my parents,” she confessed. “I waited, Ben. I waited and hoped for so long to see them only to find out it was for nothing.” a small cry escaped her before she continued, “And so many of my friends, they became like family...and they became close to my heart...and then I lost so many of them too. I-”

Ben pressed a soft kiss to her forehead as it became increasingly difficult for her to speak.

“ _Shhh_...” he tried soothing her, letting her know there was no pressure to continue. She took up the offer but only for a moment to compose herself. 

“I’m afraid… I’m afraid that since it’s happened so often in the past that I’ll lose the people in my life now.” she swallowed, “I’m especially afraid of losing you.”

Ben stared at her, at first unsure. He couldn’t understand why anyone would be concerned about losing him—after what he’s done. But just as he felt the complete opposite about Rey when she would view herself negatively, he knew she must feel similarly about him. He reasoned on this before trying to offer some sort of comfort.

“You won’t lose me. Even if you did, you know I’ll still be with you.”

“I know.” she answered unsatisfied with the answer, nestling back into his shoulder and underneath his chin.

He felt awkward in his unsuccessful attempt. There was nothing else he felt he could do other than tighten his hold on her.

“I don’t want to sleep tonight.” Rey finally let out.

Ben lowered his head, his nose brushing against her ear, “Tell me why...please.”

She closed her eyes and sighed, loosening herself from his hold again to look at him.

“These thoughts...they’ve consumed so much of my day I’m afraid they’ll consume my dreams as well.”

Again, Ben really didn’t know what to tell her. He knew her fear would most likely come true, so how could he tell her it was okay to sleep? His eyes shifted downward, darting from side to side, searching for an answer.

“But I’m here. You have me.”

‘ _Stupid!_ ’ he thought to himself.

She smiled, feeling satisfied with his innocent answer. 

“I know, baby. You’re the reason I sleep at night. It’s just... my dreams, they feel so real and I-” she glanced upward preventing the sudden surge of tears before looking back at him, “I’ve dealt with enough pain today, I don’t want to deal with any more.”

Ben stroked the hair alongside her face, his eyes locked onto hers,

“Sometimes you have to deal with the pain in order to get past it. That’s the only way you’re going to heal.”

A saddened laugh escaped from her, “Well then,” she stared off, her fingers covering over her lips as she shook her head, “I fear I’m a long way from healing then…”

Ben wiped her tears and gently pressed his lips to her cheek. “That's okay, so am I. We’ll get there.” he said encouragingly.

Rey nodded, bringing her forehead to his. 

After a moment, Ben decided on another attempt.

“You should try to sleep, love.”

“Ben, you _know_ why I don’t want to…”

“Yes, I know. But everything will be okay. I can sense it.”

“Well it’s unclear for me and I’m afraid!” she blurted out.

Ben paused before answering, “It’s okay to be afraid, but your fear is clouding your senses, that’s why it’s unclear to you. You can’t see the good, only the bad.”

Rey looked lost, she hated how her emotions took control like this.

“What do I do then?” she looked up at him with tear-filled eyes.

Ben felt a sharp sting at his heart seeing the look on her face. He hoped that what he was about to say could offer some consolation.

“Trust me.”

His eyes had a hold on hers. There was a certain power in what he said. She almost didn't need the force-bond to know exactly how he felt. He could reveal it with a single look, a word, his tone of voice.

She _did_ trust him, yet the anxiety in her heart caused her to be wide awake, not wanting to risk the possibility of experiencing a nightmare that could feel very real. She conveyed all of this through her eyes, through her feelings to him. She worried though that he might be disappointed in her, for it could appear she didn’t trust him if he still found fear within her.

He gave a gentle nod letting her know he understood, leaning in to give her a soft kiss. He parted slightly and said, “It’s okay...” against her lips.

She felt a wave of feelings rush through her entire body, causing tears to stream down her face. The pain in her heart sounded by means of an audible inhale that was absolutely crushing to Ben.

“Sweetheart…” he said with deep sympathy, making her cry even more.

His hand caressed her face wanting to comfort her so badly, he just didn't know how, so he allowed his feelings to take over. He planted gentle kisses up and down her face and neck, he kissed the exact spots that would normally relax her, hoping it would relax her enough to sleep. He gave a kiss on the nape of her neck just so, moving up to her temple and leaving his lips there to linger; moving on to place the tender kiss on her forehead in that certain way she loves, down to her neck where his lips grazed before planting soft kiss after soft kiss.

Rey was intoxicated by it and deeply touched by his actions, knowing why he was doing this.

“My sweet Ben…” she murmured.

As he continued his ritual, his thumb wiped away the steady flow of tears. 

“I’ll be here. Relax, love.” he said in a low voice, sounding a bit raspy.

Her hand came up to stroke his hair affectionately. Eventually his hand came to hers and their fingers interlocked in a loving hand hold.

Layers of pain seemed to be lifting from her, which was to Ben’s great relief that this was somehow working. He continued to learn that the best way in which to be there for her was through actions motivated by love.

A few minutes passed, and Ben could sense that she was almost there, almost asleep. She was just about to drift from conscious to subconscious when he whispered: “I love you.”—something he does every night before she drifts, wanting to make sure it’s the last thing she hears before falling into a restful sleep. Rey would usually react too. Like tonight, he could tell her lips were starting to form what looked to be, ‘love you’ along with a quiet mumble. He smiled, petting her hair with his one hand.

Ben waits several minutes after Rey falls asleep before he decides to fall asleep himself—something else he does every night. He sleeps better knowing she’s in a true peaceful state, and she reaches that point before too long. Her breathing was now deep and steady. 

His eyes grew heavy watching the rise and fall of her body; and before long, he too fell into a deep sleep, his hand still holding hers.

  
_______________________

For a good portion of the night Rey slept soundly, and then the nightmare began. She found herself back at Exogol, lying on the ground feeling weaker than ever. She was cold and surrounded by darkness. Palpatine was nowhere to be seen but she knew he must be somewhere close by. Ben was lying beside her, he was hurt badly and not moving. Rey tried to move closer to him but she couldn't move at all. She tried again but it was the same thing. She then started to feel panicked. 

Ben's eyes shot open. He woke up in a panic, feeling the panic within Rey. Once he caught his breath and focused on her, he could see her brows furrowed and her body twitching slightly. Thankfully it appeared the nightmare had only just begun—maybe he could wake her before it got worse. 

He leaned in close, resting his hand lightly on her cheek.

“Rey. It’s okay, I'm here.”

When she heard him, it only made the dream more real. To her, an injured Ben was mustering all his strength to come over and help her, something she didn't want. She wanted to tell him to save his strength but she couldn’t, the nightmare restricted her, holding her captive to the false pretense that she could not move, that she could not speak.

Ben could see her trying to say something but nothing came out. She seemed to grow more upset the more she tried.

“No, no,” he cooed. He wanted her to know that whatever she was trying so hard to say was not worth the stress she was putting herself under. “It’s okay, you’re alright.”

Rey only grew more restless and he couldn’t understand why, usually it’s the opposite. He started worrying. To Ben, when it comes to Rey having a nightmare time is everything; the longer it goes on the worse it gets. He had to think of another way to wake her without startling her. 

He decided to scoop her up carefully into his arms, adjusting her so her head was resting atop his chest where his heartbeat could be heard, hoping this would help. But unbeknownst to Ben, Rey assumed he was getting ready to share his life-force with her—unsure of what this would do to him if he were to perform it.

Dreams are unexplainably complex; though Rey had lived out this event before, it was as if she was experiencing it for the first time. Something was telling her to prevent Ben from doing this. Her subconscious knew that she had come terrifyingly close to losing him after he performed this life saving act, yet in this moment she wasn't sure where this strong urge to prevent him was coming from. The force? Her own feelings? Wherever the source, she had to stop him. And though she felt at a loss for strength, she was determined to find it.

Ben felt her struggling to push through the dream’s boundaries, she was trying so very hard. Her breathing was hitched, sweat was glistening on her forehead, and her eyes were shut so tightly he couldn't see how the tears managed their way through and down her cheeks. She was sparkling in the moonlight under the worst of circumstances.

This was a bad one, and everything Ben tried caused her to become more frightened. Her breathing grew heavier as her lips tried again to form something. He tried making it out when finally her lip movement matched with a faint _Beh_ sound. The pain he heard in that tiny voice and the feeling behind it caused him to involuntarily hold her closer. Was she trying to say his name, he wondered.

She tried again, “ _Ben!_ ” the small voice managed to cry out. Yep, he was right.

The way she said his name pierced at his heart. She was _pleading_ with him. She was frightened. She _needed_ to wake up. Ben did well in remaining relatively calm up until this point, but the moment he heard his name so painfully said is when he lost all self-control. He became anxious for her—he was desperate to relieve her pain, and the tension building within him caused him to react without even thinking. 

He patted her face gently, “Rey, come on. Wake up for me, _please!_ ” The fear that arose from him also caused his voice to raise. He hoped after he said it that she didn't sense that.

‘Wake up?’ Rey thought to herself. Maybe he wasn’t going to heal her right away, she concluded. This gave her further incentive to wake up before he tried anything; to finally wake up from a dream she didn’t realize she was having. 

Her face pressed firmly against his chest—her intensified efforts causing a small strangled noise to come from her quickened breath.

Ben felt another wave of her emotions crashing into him. His eyes became full of tears for her. He knew the type of pain she was feeling all too well and she of all people didn't deserve to be suffering through it. He hated that she had to.

“ _Shhh_... y-you're trying too hard, you don't have to. Just open your eyes for me. Open your eyes and everything will be okay, I promise.”

She heard him clearly. She felt his desperation, his inner groanings for her. He told her not to try so hard so she let go. She trusted him. 

Her breathing started to even out and her eyelids began to flutter. Ben's shoulders dropped as he let out a sigh of relief. 

"There we go, there’s my strong girl. Look at me." 

He gently guided her head with his hand, aiming it so her eyes could meet his once they focused. She tried to focus on him but something else caught the corner of her eye—a dark figure in the background. Her dream was still vividly seen by her despite the fact that she was slowly coming out of it. She was certain this dark figure was Palpatine; but it was actually the coat hanger that held one too many of Ben's jackets; jackets he's been meaning to put away.

Her eyes flung open as she inhaled sharply. She sat herself up away from Ben's hold, adjusting herself toward the coat hanger. She shakily outstretched her arm and before Ben could react she used the force to harshly throw the hanger, along with the jackets, crashing them into a nearby wall. 

Ben lowered her arm immediately, "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" he responded to her sudden outburst, “Rey, it's okay!” he turned her gently to face him, “It’s _okay._ ” Her eyes darted to the direction of the hanger and then back to Ben. She was unable to speak because of the shock, but her eyes conveyed all her worry and confusion to him.

“We’ll take care of that later, okay?” he said as he grabbed her arms, “Rey, look at me, please.” she broke her distracted gaze from the hanger and jackets to look at him—her breathing uneven. 

“Will you do me a favor?”

She nodded.

Ben swallowed hoping this wouldn’t be too much for her all at once. He wanted to care for her like he would a fragile flower in the desert plains of tatooine. “Look around you, at your surroundings...carefully."

His favor was an odd one to Rey, but she went through with it. As she did, realization slowly erased the dream around her.

“Tell me where you're at.”

“Our room?” she said, still processing everything.

“That's right.”

Rey looked around again, starting to understand what happened. Despite the facts that were slowly unfolding before her, her sense of fear was still stronger than her sense of reality, she needed more confirmation that it wasn't real. 

Her shaky hand comes to rest on his cheek, the worried girl scans him up and down, “Are you okay?” she asks.

‘She wants to know if _I’m_ okay?’ Ben thought to himself in astonishment. He was still getting used to a person even caring for him, let alone loving him unconditionally. The vulnerability and genuine concern conveyed by her was enough to make any grown man cry.

He looked down, preventing the swell of emotion from showing too much. He looked back up at her with a chuckle, still amazed that she cared the way she did.

“Yeah,” he said, pressing his lips together, “I’m okay.”

The back of his fingers brushed away the loose strands of hair around her face, tucking them behind her ear. His hand stayed to gently stroke her cheek with his thumb.

“ _You’re_ okay.” he said with a nod, raising his brows slightly to look deeper into her eyes, “We're _both_ okay.”

Rey blinked a couple times, her breathing returning to normal. She stared into his hazel eyes, the eyes she felt had the power to speak. Right now they were telling her, ‘Everything is fine. You’re safe. Don’t be afraid.’

And then a shaky exhale came from her as reality slowly set in. Sensing it, Ben wrapped an arm around her more securely; his hand resting on her waist, while the other hand was still at her face, stroking it delicately. As she blinked, tears released from her eyes.

“I know.” he said.

And then a great tremor overtook her, “ _Ben_ …” The plea sounded right before the sob broke loose; For the pain she felt was so great, she was begging for his assistance in just the saying of his name.

Her pain was heart-rending to him. She was so terrified, so distraught. He brought her into his hold as soon as he heard and felt the little cry for help. She buried her head right where his heart was, attempting to smother herself with reassurance, which about broke Ben. 

“Baby...” he said with warm-hearted concern. She was so buried within his arms it was as if she was trying to hide and get away from the now non-existent nightmare.

“It's okay,” he tried reassuring, “it's okay. It's over now. It's all over.”

Rey cried some more while Ben continued to hold her tightly. What she did next only broke his heart more. She lifted her head up to look at him, pleading with her eyes to make it go away. 

Ben was caught off guard, his breathing seemed to stop for a second before he let out a shaky breath; his brows raised and pulled together. She was asking _him_ for help and he was unsure how to give it. She was anxiously seeking _something_ from him and he didn’t know what. How do you comfort the girl who’s been through the worst of it all? How do you start when you’ve been part of the cause?

“I’m sorry.” he said as his eyes filled with tears. He looked off trying to find the words but seemed to find none—his mouth opening then closing as he shook his head. He looked back into her eyes and spoke the unfortunate truth.

“The one power I don’t have is something I want desperately. The ability to take away your pain. I _had_ that power once and I didn't use it. And now you're suffering because of that decision.” His eyes glanced downward before refocusing on her again, “I don’t have that power anymore.” he shook his head, “I’m sorry.” he whispered as emotions caught in his throat.

Rey saw and felt his raw emotion, he had tried so hard the entire day to hold it in, to be strong for her, but it seemed to catch up with him all in this moment—the way he really felt— _Powerless_. 

She sat up, placing a shaky hand to his quivering face. She gazed intently into his eyes, her fingers moving over his lips briefly, _No_ she mouthed before leaving a kiss there to his lips. She then gave tender kisses along his jawline, moving up to his cheek, after which she lingered. 

What she was about to say took all her strength after crying. There was no hiding the tightness heard in her throat as words forced their way through, “You have more power than you know.” she said quietly into his ear.

Ben blinked rapidly as tears escaped his eyes. He could sense that she meant that with all her heart. He couldn’t believe it, the girl who was going through tremendous pain right now just took a moment to reassure _him_. She gave him the power he felt he was lacking. 

Moved by her sincerity, he decided to give her the only thing he felt he could offer at the moment—his love. He pulled away momentarily to look into her eyes, his hand coming up to hold the back of her head. He gently moved her head forward so he could be cheek to cheek with her, tenderly rubbing his face against hers. Then he closed his eyes, allowing his deep emotions to be felt by her.

A quiet gasp came from Rey as the sensation surged through her, causing a slight jump. Feelings of compassion, gratitude and a love that ran so deep—it seemed to enrapture her entire body. It shook Rey to her very core.

 _This_ is what she was seeking from him all along. Ben. Just _her_ Ben.

Rey’s pain left her, his love giving her contentment.

Ben’s guilt and torment left him, her contentment giving him peace.

 ** _Balance_**.

They remained in this position for several minutes, indulging in each other’s feelings. 

While Rey was enjoying her oneness with Ben, she gave thought to how grateful she was to have him. She went deeper as to why and found many reasons, but her mind honed in on one reason in particular—being thankful she hadn’t lost him that day.

Then came another wave, she gave but one thought to the horrid nightmare and it started eating away at her again. She felt her emotions welling up but suppressed them to prevent herself from crying again. Ben felt it.

“No,” he assured, “sweetie, don’t hold it in like that, let it out.” 

He spoke with such loving conviction that it caused her to respond involuntarily, like a soft substance melting near a warm surface, she immediately opened herself up knowing deep down he was right. She took his invitation and allowed herself to cry again.

“That’s it, let go.”

And she did. Possibly even more so than the first time. He could feel more pain was being added, making her more emotional. He figured the addition most likely involved her parents. 

He allowed her to release the pain as long as he felt it appropriate, but not too long after, he sensed it was about to get uncontrolled; he needed to help her get it under control before that happened.

“Alright, you’ll need to calm down, love.” He lifted her trembling hand and held it to his chest, taking a slow, deep breath. “You feel that?” He then placed his hand over her chest, taking another deep breath, “Try to breathe with me.” Her breath shuddered in response, her eyes displaying worry that she couldn’t do it. “You can do it.” he said. _His eyes_ displayed confidence in her, making her feel like she could.

The two took another deep breath—his steady—hers interrupted by small gasps.

Another. With his strong gaze holding her attention she felt focused, this time her chest rose and fell closer to his. 

A few more deep breaths and they were in sync, it felt as though their hearts were beating in time too. Their eyes were still locked onto each other when Rey lifted her hand to his cheek. “Thank you.” she said quietly.

His hand came up over hers. He smiled and nodded slowly in response. 

Her smile soon faded, breaking the contact to look off to the side.

“What is it?”

“Oh, I-” she shook her head, “I guess I just feel a little ridiculous is all.”

Ben's brows drew together, “Ridiculous?”

Rey sighed, “For some reason I’ve been really emotional lately.” she sounded like she was about to cry again but stopped herself, “I was doing just fine for the longest time and now it seems there’s no end to my pain. And I no longer want to be crying over things that happened in the past. I want it _gone_.”

Ben understood her struggle, he also understood the fact of the matter.

“It’s not forbidden for a jedi to cry.”

“I know, Ben, it’s how _much_ I cry that’s the problem.”

“You control it though. There’s balance.”

“But see,” Rey threw her head back pushing away the frustrated cry that wanted to come out, “I feel I _have_ _no_ control over these thoughts, _no balance_ , especially after tonight! I keep trying to forget it all but I can’t! I just can’t!” Rey blurted out, her eyes stinging as new tears began to form against her will.

Ben’s face conveyed concern, when Rey reacted purely on emotion he never scolded her, never told her it was wrong. He just _listened_. He would listen, and then through reasoning let her come to her own conclusion through his guidance—at her own pace.

“It can take time to acquire balance for certain things. You allowing yourself to face these emotions is paving the way for you to achieve that balance. You can’t throw out a vital piece of the pathway and still expect to reach your destination. As long as you don't allow your emotions to get in the way of doing what’s right you’ll be okay.”

Rey didn’t say a word, she just stared at him, amazed at the profound way he would explain something to her. How he would help her see the way out of a situation that seemed to have no way out. Tears fell from her eyes again. What he said made sense, but she still found it difficult to accept. She was under the impression that her emotions made her weak—That she had no strength if she couldn’t hold them in and face them without hurting. Ben sensed all that she was feeling. He knew what he had to do.

He leaned in close, wiping the tears away with his thumb, leaving a soft kiss right beneath her eye. 

"Did you know that every tear you shed makes you more beautiful?"

A single blink released a gush of new tears from Rey after hearing that.

“When a person’s in pain they’re enduring, and endurance produces strength, and strength produced by endurance makes a person more beautiful.”

Rey shook her head in disbelief at his kindness as more tears streamed down her face. Ben wiped them and kissed beneath her other eye.

“See, I don’t know how but you just became more beautiful.”

What Ben said to Rey made her feel good. She took such delight in his words that she could not hold back the genuine smile that came from such delight. She looked at him beaming, shaking her head.

“I am now convinced that I am married to the most kind-hearted man in the galaxy.”

Ben smiled, bringing his hand up to be placed gingerly on her cheek. “And to think, you’re only just now realizing this.” he said as his smile turned into a smirk.

Rey looked adorably grumpy trying to hold back a smile. She pushed him away, “That's it. Get out.” she said, turning the opposite direction of him.

He leaned over her, draping his arm around her, “Now is that any way to treat the most kind-hearted guy in the galaxy?”

“Get. _Away_.” A full smile was now plainly seen on her face; One thing she could never control was her ability to hide her amusement at Ben.

His hand turned her head to face him, “I know that ‘get away’ actually means ‘come closer’ It’s okay, don’t be afraid to admit it.” he said with the grin of a mischievous little boy.

“You’re wrong actually.”

“Oh? Alright, what does it _really_ mean then?”

She leaned in to kiss him tenderly, her fingers tracing along his hairline as she slowly broke the kiss. “It means I love you,” she glanced into his now misty eyes, “ _so_ much.” she added, focusing her eyes on his lips.

He leaned in giving her a tender kiss in return, “I love my beautiful girl too.” he said with a low voice. The corner of Rey’s lips curled as their lips fell together again, like galaxies colliding.

Each kiss was slow and tender, full of love, and not without deep appreciation. They both nearly lost each other, so that appreciation for still having the other translated well into every kiss. They kissed as if it were their last, though they knew there would be plenty more. They were starved for each other yet they savored every moment. 

These kisses, so full of every good emotion you could feel, made Rey feel content to the full, she was calm and relaxed again. She dealt with a lot tonight, leaving her exhausted. Soon the combination of relaxation and exhaustion caused her kisses to linger more than they should. A small smile formed at Ben's lips knowing his beauty was about to be sleeping. He figured he would continue at her sleepy pace until she was fully asleep. Her body soon started to lean without the support of her conscious self, so he held up a now sleeping Rey. He was happy to see her relaxed, not in pain, not upset, just peacefully resting. He laid her down carefully, gently bringing the covers over her body, tucking them in around her only a little, just the way she likes it.

Then the small body started to shift, “Why'd you stop?” she grumbled, her eyes staying shut.

Ben smirked, “Because Mrs. Solo fell asleep, leaving Mr. Solo no choice _but_ to stop.”

She made a grumpy, sleepy little noise making Ben chuckle. His chuckle made her face scrunch up more along with a disappointed hum being heard.

He lay down next to her, his nose brushing against hers, “Does Mrs. Solo want me to continue? Would that make her face happy again?”

Her features lit up almost immediately, “Mm-hm.”

He grinned ear to ear. This woman made him so happy. An emotion he never really got to experience before she came along. His lips brushed lightly against hers, he was unsure why she protested so, she was almost asleep again not even moving her lips, he humored her though, giving one light press to her lips, whispering, “I love you.” afterward. A faint smile was seen before she entered into sleep again.

A terrible childhood and a life filled with countless hardships is what Ben experienced most of his life. He eventually got to a point where he simply didn’t care about anything or anyone. Was his life something he would have asked for? Not in the least. Was his life _now_ something he would have asked for? Absolutely. He knew that he most likely wouldn’t be living this life with this girl had it not been for the bad that took place beforehand. Ben never used to believe in things, but he now believed that with the bad comes good eventually. And the good is so richly pleasant that it makes up for the bad. **_Balance_**. To view all things with balance was the key. Hope was the destination to reach where balance would unlock a world you could have never even imagined. The scars may remain, but the good will ease the pain. Ben’s life now eased his pain. And if every single bad thing he’s ever gone through has somehow led him to this precious girl, then he was more than thankful for his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Confused by crystal butterflies? I once was too. Search “Ben Solo Crystal Butterflies” and watch the 3 part short series on youtube. You won’t regret it.


End file.
